can't hardly wait

I often spend entire days just by myself. I don't feel lonely or bothered by this, in actuality I think it's been a comfortable habit. I remember when I first got my license at 16 that I would drive to the mall about half an hour away from my parent's house, and just wander around for a few hours. It wasn't even about shopping, I hardly ever bought anything, but I liked being around people without actually having to make conversation. I think the drive was an important part of the whole activity, it was nice to listen to music and feel like I had the freedom to go where I wanted to when I wanted to. Lately I've been thinking about how much I miss driving, especially late at night when no one else is on the road.

Being in a long distance relationship can be really difficult at times, and I've become accustomed to the two extremes of companionship; doing everything as a pair while you're together, and then suddenly being back at your apartment with a sad, empty bed. When I'm writing papers I can forget about the distance, but all of a sudden I'm at the grocery store looking at lychees and I feel sad that my favourite guy isn't there to make a joke about balls. And really, my grocery buddy is so astute that any item can merit a joke about balls.

And as my creative writing prof would ask me, referring to a short story or a memoir, but why is this coming up? Why is the narrator choosing to tell the story now?

My best answer is that in a week I move from Montreal to Toronto, in with my boyfriend who I won't have to miss anymore, or buy phone cards to call, or help dress without being there in person to just grab the blue sweater and the white top and say "here, put this on, trust me."

I can't tell you how many times, while mid-way through a heinous 15 page paper, I've daydreamed about this move and this summer and being outside in the sun drinking mojitos with my favourite grocery buddy.

I'm so so excited.


kyle said...

You are a love sick dork.

lowercasecarmen said...

I lol'd when I read that.

bisforcookie said...

Thank you! Bulimia is so much easier when you write disgustingly cute things!

Aaaactually it's too lovely and genuine to even make me sick. Thanks for the extra weight.

B. Ilievska said...

this is hella cute

meredith r. mistletoe said...

Oh, Lordy, Carmen! Totally alone-time-all-the-time, except when not. I know so much you mean!

I have the jealousies about your babe and stuff though...

lowercasecarmen said...

Aw love you guys lots. Yeah, I'm disgusting hey?

Ew, you should meet my disgustingly cute boyfriend who surprises me with hello kitty waffle makers.

Sorry, gotta go barf now!

lowercasecarmen said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kris said...


I can relate to this post completely. Long distance was so hard, so I moved to Toronto to live with my boyfriend, too. I sometimes miss the sweet emails when he missed me lots, but hell.. this is good.

Mike said...


happy it's only a week for you, i probably have another 2 months :(