facebook taught me to refer to myself in the third

She woke up to find that he had already left for work. The kids outside screamed in the park, and as of yet, she was not annoyed. Pulling herself out of bed and stumbling into the kitchen in search of coffee, she wondered how long it would be until she hung her head out of the window and told the little ones to shut up.

Luckily, for the time being, she was busy with the thought of caffeine.


this has gone too far

Untitled from Lowercase Carmen on Vimeo.

I realized after I made this that the concept of a toaster is just not that hard to grasp. But there are so many settings! And you can control the darkness!

Um yeah, we got it.

Yeesh, I dunno guys, I haven't left my apartment in so long because of a final assignment and scouring craigslist for deals --but I promise brain activity will return to normal soon. Enjoy!


afternoon walks, nighttime posts

Raymi, I see your ugly mannequin and I raise you an even fuglier one. I think somebody bit its nose off. Poor thing doesn't even get a wig.

Sorry y'all, I'm finishing the very last assignment/obligation of my degree tonight and tomorrow morning and then I can return to posts that might not suck.

I had a job interview today via the phone and it was great to roll out of bed and brew a cup of coffee without having to worry about make up. I think I even picked my nose during our conversation simply because I could. For the record I was wearing spandex pants and my boyfriend's sweater, an outfit that would never fly in an office.

And on one last note of business, if you live in the Toronto area and want to get rid of lamps, beds, bookshelves or tables, holla back at this girl.


For Monsieur Pierce

Untitled from Lowercase Carmen on Vimeo.

Dear Tony,

Yes, the mirror is dirty and I sound like a monotone milly. Meh. It is also Monday now and not Friday. I get a B- on my video post report card.

xo carm

we don't say bonjour here

I took a (crooked) picture of myself as I headed out the door of my apartment in Montreal. I have let too many important moments go by without commemorating them simply because I feel like making a big deal of things makes me arrogant or selfish. My therapist told me this whole idea is silly, and he has three degrees so I'm thinking he's right and I'm wrong.

I want to be able to remember how hard my degree was, but also what an awesome experience living in Montreal was. I was ready to move out of my sketchy neighbourhood, away from the abusive hobos, but I don't think you're ever really ready to leave supportive and hilarious friends.

Today I met my boyfriend Noah for lunch on his break, and as we stood in the ice-cream shop near his work the woman working there asked us if we were locals, if she'd be seeing us again.

"Yeah," we both said, "we're locals."

Bye guys,


bonsoir montreal hello toronto

I just got into Toronto a couple of hours ago and have been trying to unwind, eat some food, and figure out how to settle in. The past three days have been full of hectic packing, sad goodbyes that I tried not to dwell on, and realizing that I have too much shit to my name.

Arriving at our apartment was a bit strange tonight, especially knowing that so much of what lies ahead is uncertain. I don't know if I expected to get so attached to the lovely friends I have in Montreal, or whether I anticipated missing a city that saw me through so much grief, but either way it was very heartbreaking to drive out of Montreal today.

Tomorrow I will wake up and sum things up a little more astutely, try to represent my experience of Montreal better, but for now I am going to get a good night's sleep. I'm exhausted and kind of terrified, and most of all, hoping that all this kind of drastic change is good for me.



There's a great scene in TommyBoy where David Spade pretends to be the hotel housekeeper and Chris Farley does his usual angry fat man routine. Anyway...it's not that great, really just nostalgic.

Just wanted to update and say that there is a "Twitter" link on my sidebar so you can follow my every thought. The majority of my tweets happen when I wake up and are generally focused on a)brewing coffee, b)drinking brewed coffee, c)dreaming about next cup. However, I did also twitter about conditioner today soooo, that's pretty interesting.

All that excitement and more, on twitter!

The second bit of housekeeping is to let everyone (mom, dad, sister) know that there is also an archives link in the sidebar, with posts dating from 2006-2008.

The third thing I wanted to mention is that I might have a banana split party tonight.


an open letter

This picture is shitty, just like your produce.

Dear Rather Expensive and Somewhat Inconvenient Quebecois Grocery Store,

I appreciate that you are right around the corner from my apartment, easily accessible when I have run out of milk and/or coffee and am completely unable to function without my morning fix. In this regard, you don't completely suck. Unfortunately though, you have few (if any) other redeeming qualities, and when I leave you in my dust come Sunday morning, I will not lose any sleep missing you. And yes, I know, you the personified grocery store will not miss me either.

I want to say thankyou to the employee with the red glasses for always sighing loudly, being genuinely unpleasant and refusing to help me out when I struggle with French. You're such a joy to run into each week, all your passive aggressive tendencies and strange inability to smile! How refreshing and unique!

I could not have made it through this school year without your exorbitantly expensive grocery items and inconvenient hours of operation. I thought it was cute when you randomly hiked up the prices on the few, modest foods I have made it a habit to buy. It was sneaky, and rather discreet, but my wallet caught on to you!

The strawberries I picked up today turned out to be mushy and rotten even though I did a fairly good job of looking them over, but I consider this a testament to your standards of quality. Why not put a giant label on those packages? It makes it that much harder to see the brown fucking berries.

Oh, and one more thing. Thanks soooo much for having giant bars of chocolate on sale today (Yeah, Ali, if you're reading this go get in on that). Between Easter Feaster, exams, and pms I hadn't stuffed enough chocolate into my face already.

Me and my steadily growing ass want to give you a big ol' thankyou.

xoxo Carmen


party time excellent!

My time in Montreal is quickly winding down and I'm trying frantically to fit in last minute dentist visits and quality time with mes amis. Today between the text, phonecall, and email I received from my boyfriend about the apparent pygmy goat we're adopting (would totally be a reality if things were up to me), I actually got a lot done as far as arbitrary errands go.

In an effort to clear out my belongings before moving day I've been refusing to buy new groceries. This of course means that none of my meals resemble anything close to balance, with olives and oats factoring heavily into most things I concoct. Besides a sprinkle of parsley I don't think I've eaten anything green in quite some time --hopefully this will change soon.

Here are some pictures of parties past. Oddly, when temperatures drop so far below zero that your snot freezes, the world also magically turns black and white. You should visit Montreal and experience it all sometime.


road kill

I'm currently eating hello kitty waffles with ma girl B. We discovered that cute cat and bunny faces taste even better with dulce de leche.

The dulce de leche we are eating may or may not have been found on the side of the road in a large box. Our friends stole one jar, realized it tasted so good, went back to get the rest of the jars, dropped and cracked 6 of the 18 jars, and salvaged a usable 12.

Thank god for that dozen.


can't hardly wait

I often spend entire days just by myself. I don't feel lonely or bothered by this, in actuality I think it's been a comfortable habit. I remember when I first got my license at 16 that I would drive to the mall about half an hour away from my parent's house, and just wander around for a few hours. It wasn't even about shopping, I hardly ever bought anything, but I liked being around people without actually having to make conversation. I think the drive was an important part of the whole activity, it was nice to listen to music and feel like I had the freedom to go where I wanted to when I wanted to. Lately I've been thinking about how much I miss driving, especially late at night when no one else is on the road.

Being in a long distance relationship can be really difficult at times, and I've become accustomed to the two extremes of companionship; doing everything as a pair while you're together, and then suddenly being back at your apartment with a sad, empty bed. When I'm writing papers I can forget about the distance, but all of a sudden I'm at the grocery store looking at lychees and I feel sad that my favourite guy isn't there to make a joke about balls. And really, my grocery buddy is so astute that any item can merit a joke about balls.

And as my creative writing prof would ask me, referring to a short story or a memoir, but why is this coming up? Why is the narrator choosing to tell the story now?

My best answer is that in a week I move from Montreal to Toronto, in with my boyfriend who I won't have to miss anymore, or buy phone cards to call, or help dress without being there in person to just grab the blue sweater and the white top and say "here, put this on, trust me."

I can't tell you how many times, while mid-way through a heinous 15 page paper, I've daydreamed about this move and this summer and being outside in the sun drinking mojitos with my favourite grocery buddy.

I'm so so excited.


my life is half price

Turns out there's a lot of stuff you can get done in a day when you're not writing essays. Go figure, eh? This morning I dropped off the last essay of my entire degree and then headed to Value Village. Ali, if you're reading this, don't worry, I'll still go with you next week (I can never get enough).

On the metro there were two punk ass kids sitting on their bikes, and after a few stops I realized that one of them was puking into a shopping bag. They looked too young to be hung over, but then again they were old enough to be wearing cubic zirconia earrings so...I think that means 14? Anyways, they were almost as classy as the elderly woman wearing head-to-toe leather. Rock it gramma!

Without fail Value Village is always in the most ghetto neck of the woods. It took me about 400 metro stops to get out there.

And of course, my thrify finds from the village of value. First up, I've broken my no-flannel rule. Easter colours huh?

Second a striped tanktop that would have cost 4000 times as much at AA. I got it mostly because I liked the material.

And thizzle, a dress with sparkley bits that I'm thinking about hemming to make shorter. My boyfriend is already in favour of the change. I think I might wear it out to dinner tonight.



graduation the right way

I've had to drop by campus several times this week to hand in some take-home essays, and each time I get there I'm like, c'mon! I'm graduating, where are all the sirens and kazoos? I forget that every year there is a graduating class, and as a friend pointed out to me, the difference between me and them is modesty.

This last semester, aside from stresses, has been so underwhelming. Like, geez, I've worked so hard and then all I get to do is walk quietly off campus for the last time?

I wish that you got an exit interview on the late show, or ellen...I'd even settle for a slot on the tyra(nnical) show.

Ellen: Carmen! Carmen you look great!

Carmen: Oh gosh, Ellen stop it. No, stop it, I just threw on this outfit.

Ellen: Well how does it feel? I mean, look, you spent the last four years in school is that right?

Carmen: Yeah, oh it's no big deal...

Ellen: Yes it is! Celebrate girl! You know what you need? A dance party!

[Ellen and I would dance around the audience and I'd be giving high fives all over the place and then we'd end with one of those hip bumps].

Ellen: Carmen! You're such a good dancer too.

Carmen: Oh I'm just having fun, [look out to the audience and raise my hand] it's these guys who are the real stars!

Ellen: Well yeah. But we're moving off topic, let's focus on you.

Carmen: Gosh Ellen, whatta you wanna know?

Ellen: Tell me, I heard you have this whacky talent.

Carmen: Oh no, what do have up your sleeve?! [I'll lean back in my chair and start to laugh]

Ellen: I heard you can lick your elbow!!!

Carmen: Oh who told you that!? I'm gonna kill my agent [the camera pans to my agent in a pantsuit backstage shrugging and laughing] Oh well okay okay, if you really insist that I show this off on public television.

[lick elbow, crowd goes wild]

Ellen: Okay, we have one more surprise for everybody here today.

Carmen: You all get...PINA COLADAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


i can't hear you, you're breaking up

My boyfriend is at work late, I just got a phonecall from him.

Bf: hey baby, you want an external hardrive?

me: yeah okay.

bf: how big?

me: wait, are we talking about sex?

bf: no, I'm talking about hardrives...like as in computers.

me: right.

i get a surgery, concordia university cashes in

Back in March I had all four of my wisdom teeth removed by very nice man who likes to hurt people. I didn't react well to the IV sedation drugs and there have been a slew of post-surg complications that I won't bore you with.

One of the unfortunate results of all this is that I had to put my weekly runs on hold, and damn that kind of sucks when you've got easter and exams --the two big E's that are sure to put pounds on your ass. To put it in the bluntest terms, I can feel the blood thumping, pumping, and pounding in my jaw/head when I do so much as jump. I had to quit pogo stickin' too.

Today as I strolled on over to the metro at school I passed the gym and sort of froze for a moment. I had completely forgotten about my membership, that stupid thing I paid money for, and felt the guilt set in. In truth the lost money bothered me more than any fitness goal, and as I stood there I realized what an idiot I looked like. I was holding a can of coke and some reeses peanut butter cups, gazing longingly at the elipticals.

Next week I'll show up with some vitamin water and a celery stick, see what that does for my self-esteem.


I'm on a roll here

Sigh. I just realized that one of the final exams I handed in today was completely missing a part. So I decided to console myself by eating some pasta which I'm pretty sure is some kind of woman diet no no. I remember reading a riveting interview with Rebecca Romijn (Stamos no more!) where she said she doesn't eat carbs in the second half of the day and well, judging by her smoking body I should probably listen to her.

And I should also probably do my final exams right so that I don't regret getting no sleep and never going out on weekends and writing essays 6 days a week for the past 4 years. Yeah, that's another thing I should probably do.

I also didn't know I was scheduled for work today. Missed that sucker too!

Alright, yep, totally got your point Rebecca. You're pretty and happy. Laugh it up.

keepin' it mont-real

I live in the gay village. Say that like "vill-ahj"

The homies across the street live in a castle. Seriously, you should see the courtyard it's like that movie secret garden.

That balcony up in the top right corner pulls at my heart strings.

Somebody's swank tour bus. You on there Raymi?

I swear to god 90% of the garbage in my neighbourhood is from tim hortons. Good job helping out the environment Tim!

Shiiiiit, get a load of that vitamin D!

Today it is gloriously sunny in Montreal, and warm enough that I could wear my Vancouver coat. For me that tends to be the ultimate test, whether or not I can wear my westcoast clothes.

I think what's really great about eastern canada is the whole mentality around the drastic season changes. Growing up in Vancouver we have a lot of rain, yes it's all true, but there are four seasons. In Montreal I've only experienced two, major cold and major hot. As an ameteur to the freezing temps, the first winter was the hardest. The worst part was not the temperature so much as it was the length of time that snow remains on the ground. I can remember being in the middle of April exams last year, looking out the window to see snow falling and feeling like it would be a good time to jump off a fucking building.

But eastern canadians are incredibly resilient, they have this built-in defense mechanism which allows them to forget the winter when summer arrives. For me, this is difficult, I remember the pain, the frozen snot, the nights walking home when I thought limbs would have to eventually be amputated. I remember darkness at 4pm and snowfall after snowfall after depressing slit-your-wrists snowfall.

Meanwhile, everyone else around here is like, what snow? it's boiling and I'm wearing hot pants bitches!

And really, nothing signals the beginning of summer like that chick I went to highschool with updating her facebook status to: Traded in my uggs for some flippy floppies for good!