hubba hubba

Chef Michael Smith is pretty much my all time celebrity crush. Once he plugs in his KitchenAid mixer and starts on bread dough, I'm all "you had me at whole grain flour". Sure, some of you may be more of a Clooney or Pitt kinda gal, but here are a couple reasons why this dude pulls at my heart strings.

1. At 6'7" he is literally a giant. He claims to be the world's tallest chef, and I have no reason to fight him. I figure he could lift me with one arm.

2. He has a beard. This adds to his gruff and rough island appeal, and I like to picture him walking home with a giant cedar tree in each arm calling out "honey, just gonna make a canoe!"

3. He bakes and cooks and produces homemade bread daily. Um, two seconds ago he made a butter recipe comprised of two ingredients: browned butter and normal butter. I could get used to that.

4. He has the cutest son in the world and together they look like they could take on the world. What does that look like? I have no fucking clue, they're just adorable.

5. The framed pictures of his wife could easily be replaced. Huh? What wife? That's right.

6. Have I mentioned the beard?

7. I dunno, I'm running out of ideas but currently he's baking chocolate peanut butter squares.

8. His kitchen alone looks bigger than my entire apartment so he's gotta be rich. Money ain't everything, but happiness comes so much easier when you can afford truffle oil.

9. His cooking show slogan is "my recipe is using no recipe!" so you know he's spontaneous. That's probably one of the eHarmony points of compatibility and I'm giving it a big ol' check mark.

10. Watch his show once and you'll realize he has no asshole chef ego. He's so wholesome and down to earth, always preaching the joys of sharing food. I'd like to share something with Michael Smith too, like, oh I dunno...the rest of my life.

Call me, Mikey.