an open letter

This picture is shitty, just like your produce.

Dear Rather Expensive and Somewhat Inconvenient Quebecois Grocery Store,

I appreciate that you are right around the corner from my apartment, easily accessible when I have run out of milk and/or coffee and am completely unable to function without my morning fix. In this regard, you don't completely suck. Unfortunately though, you have few (if any) other redeeming qualities, and when I leave you in my dust come Sunday morning, I will not lose any sleep missing you. And yes, I know, you the personified grocery store will not miss me either.

I want to say thankyou to the employee with the red glasses for always sighing loudly, being genuinely unpleasant and refusing to help me out when I struggle with French. You're such a joy to run into each week, all your passive aggressive tendencies and strange inability to smile! How refreshing and unique!

I could not have made it through this school year without your exorbitantly expensive grocery items and inconvenient hours of operation. I thought it was cute when you randomly hiked up the prices on the few, modest foods I have made it a habit to buy. It was sneaky, and rather discreet, but my wallet caught on to you!

The strawberries I picked up today turned out to be mushy and rotten even though I did a fairly good job of looking them over, but I consider this a testament to your standards of quality. Why not put a giant label on those packages? It makes it that much harder to see the brown fucking berries.

Oh, and one more thing. Thanks soooo much for having giant bars of chocolate on sale today (Yeah, Ali, if you're reading this go get in on that). Between Easter Feaster, exams, and pms I hadn't stuffed enough chocolate into my face already.

Me and my steadily growing ass want to give you a big ol' thankyou.

xoxo Carmen